Why Embracing Pain Might Be the Key to Your Growth

Pain is an interesting sensation. It can signal health, or serve as a red flag that something is deeply wrong. Most of us instinctively avoid pain. In fact, we label those who embrace it masochists, hardly a compliment in today’s world.

But here’s the paradox: pain can be destructive or instructive.

It can debilitate, yes, but I’ve also found that pain, over the course of my life, has often been a friend. Let me explain.

The Pain Paradox

People rarely change until the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of change.

That’s the tipping point. Until it hurts more to maintain the status quo, we tend to rationalize, delay, or minimize the changes we know we need to make.

But here’s the caveat: often, the pain of remaining the same isn’t fully felt until it’s too late to change.

This shows up in all sorts of physical examples:

• People ignore their diet, their exercise, their sleep patterns, or their drinking habits… until the heart attack, the diagnosis, the breakdown.

• Smokers feel fine until the cancer appears.

• Sedentary lifestyles feel manageable until the chronic pain sets in.
  

My Painful Wake-Up Call

Over the past few months, I’ve been in pain. Not emotional pain—physical pain. And it’s largely my own doing.

After two years of upheaval, selling a home and relocating to Greenville, SC, I let my exercise routine collapse. I stopped running. Stopped riding. Life got busy, and I paid the price.

When I started back up, I hurt everywhere. My feet and legs cramped. My back ached. I’d hobble around in the morning like someone twice my age. People told me I should quit—that my body couldn’t take it.

But I didn’t quit.

It took two full months, but now I’m finally regaining my rhythm. The pain is fading, my strength is returning, and I feel free again.

Here’s the kicker: the sedentary lifestyle wasn’t painful at the time. It was comfortable. Easy. The real pain was deferred to later in life, when it might’ve been too late to fix.

Every day, I reminded myself of that reality.

Why Some People Don’t Change

This principle holds true beyond just physical health. Why do some people never lose weight? Why do others stay stuck in destructive patterns?

Because the pain of remaining the same hasn’t fully surfaced.

Until the discomfort of staying overweight outweighs the discomfort of hunger, workouts, or discipline… change won’t happen. I see it in myself. I don’t like being hungry. So unless I create enough emotional pain about staying where I am, I won’t choose the physical pain of change.

And that same pain equation shows up in deeper areas too.

Emotional, Spiritual, and Relational Pain

We see it in marriages that end after 20, 30, or 40 years. The real cracks were there all along—but addressing them would’ve been painful. So couples avoided it, hoping time would fix it. It didn’t.

Or in parents who pour themselves into ministry or work, thinking their kids will always be there. Eventually, those children grow up, learn to live without their parents' presence, and the relationship deteriorates. But again, the pain of remaining the same wasn’t immediate.

The same is true with the leaders I work with during assessment debriefs. There’s a moment when the data reveals something they’ve never fully faced. It’s painful. It’s personal. It’s real.

And that’s when they have a choice.

They can deny, defend, and delay. Or they can lean in, face the pain, and begin the hard work of change. When they do, that’s where real freedom begins.

Jesus knew this. That’s why He said, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:32)

Truth doesn’t just inform us, it transforms us. But often, it hurts before it heals.

Facing the Pain Now or Later

This is why I help leaders bring the pain of remaining the same into sharp focus. Because only when that pain becomes undeniable will someone step into the discomfort required for growth.

And sadly, many pastors aren’t given space—or permission—to do this. They know theological truth. They preach Scripture. But they don’t know themselves.

They avoid the emotional pain of examining their leadership style, their blind spots, or their relational patterns. And by the time the consequences arrive—burnout, fractured relationships, broken ministries—it’s too late.

That’s why Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

Some of the greatest gifts in my life have come through wounds from friends. Painful conversations that saved me from even greater pain down the road.

And that’s why I’ll say it again:

Pain can be a friend.

If you’re feeling pain in any area of your life—physical, emotional, spiritual—it may be worth asking:

• What is this pain trying to teach me?

• What truth have I been avoiding?

• What change have I been delaying?
  

Because on the other side of that pain… is freedom.