Joy Looks Different at 70 Than It Did at 20—Here’s Why That Matters

I recently had a conversation with some neighbors who had experienced a difficult day filled with challenges and calamities. After listening, I eventually asked: "How do we learn to experience joy during difficulties?"

After a rich discussion, we concluded that finding joy in hard times is learned by looking for God to work good things even in the midst of struggle. Faith both precedes and results from trusting God through difficulty.

To digress for a moment—during the year we've lived in South Carolina, Mary Kay and I have intentionally tried to meet as many neighbors as possible. We walk every morning and introduce ourselves to those we see. When we get home, we write down their names and any key details we learned about them in a notebook dedicated to that purpose. We look for opportunities to serve them in practical ways.

Because this is a new neighborhood, everyone is new. Even if we forget someone's name, we simply acknowledge it and continue the conversation. This practice is something we learned nearly 40 years ago while starting a church—and it's a habit we've continued.

Recently, someone affectionately told us we've been given the unofficial title of

"Mayor of the Neighborhood."

Back to the original conversation: one neighbor asked us, "If you're always pouring into others, how do you recharge? Who fills your cup?"

It was a great question. I paused before answering.

I suggested that what restores me at 70 is different from what energized me at 20—and it's evolved over time. Some things have remained the same, others have changed.

Sources of Restoration

I shared how I've had specific mentors who intentionally invested in me. Some still reach out to this day, and through them, I feel known, heard, and valued.

I also shared how Mary Kay and I invest in each other. It doesn't always work perfectly, but most nights, simply sleeping next to her is restorative. Walking with her nourishes my soul.

Another source of restoration for me is my time alone each morning—journaling, reading, praying, and reflecting on God's grace. This quiet time is essential for my well-being. The process, methods, and motivations have changed over the years.

Early on, it was about obedience. Eventually, obedience gave way to habit—it became part of my rhythm and identity. Over time, it became delight—like enjoying a great meal. It has always been restorative, but the degree to which it restores me has increased as it became a true source of joy.

Ironically, writing has also become restorative. That's surprising because I used to hate writing—it felt laborious and draining. But over 45 years of journaling, it's become something that brings joy and renewal.

People Who Restore Us

I also noted that some people restore me, and others drain me. Last week I wrote about the five factors of relationships. I've found that three of the first four help me cultivate friendships that nurture me deeply.

Because people matter to God, I still invest in those who may not restore me.

But I make sure I'm also surrounded by friends who do feed my soul.

Finally, I find joy in seeing others thrive because of the investment I've made in them. That's my calling—to invest in others so they become more like Christ. That doesn't mean I always have a hidden agenda, but it does mean I want to spend my time loving people the way God loves them.

The truth is, I can love some people more deeply because of God's specific call and gifting in my life.

Biblical Examples

The Apostle Paul experienced this too. He wrote letters to friends—people who brought him joy. Here are just a few examples:

Philippians 1:4-8

In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy 5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. 7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. 8 God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

Colossians 1:28-29

He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ. 29 To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me.

2 Corinthians 7:4

I have spoken to you with great frankness; I take great pride in you. I am greatly encouraged; in all our troubles my joy knows no bounds.

1 Thessalonians 2:19; 3:7-9

For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you?...(3:7-9) Therefore, brothers and sisters, in all our distress and persecution we were encouraged about you because of your faith. For now we really live, since you are standing firm in the Lord. How can we thank God enough for you in return for all the joy we have in the presence of our God because of you?

Enough said.

What brings you joy?