How Jesus Modeled Every Conflict Style (and Why Leaders Should Too)
Aug 8
3 min read
2
0
Conflict is part of healthy relationships and leadership.
When people with different wiring, experiences, and viewpoints work together, tension will surface. The real measure of health is whether conflict gets handled well, not whether it happens at all.
Many leaders stick to one or two conflict styles. These are usually learned in childhood or shaped by early environments. No single style works in every situation. The Gospels show Jesus using all five major conflict approaches. He chose the style that fit the people, the timing, and the larger purpose.
1. Yielding – Placing Others' Needs First
Yielding means setting aside personal preference to serve someone else. It comes from strength and love rather than passivity.
Example: At the wedding in Cana (John 2), Jesus initially told his mother that his time had not yet come. When she persisted, he turned water into wine.
Application: Use yielding when the relationship matters more than the issue. It builds trust and signals respect.
2. Winning – Taking a Decisive Stand
Winning involves confronting wrongs directly and defending what is right, even when it creates tension.
Example: Jesus cleared the temple of money changers (John 2, Matthew 21), protecting the sanctity of his Father's house.
Application: Winning is necessary when truth, mission, or justice are at stake and cannot be compromised.
3. Resolving – Working Toward Mutual Understanding
Resolving requires time and patience. It seeks to uncover root issues and create the best solution for everyone involved.
Example: Jesus' conversation with Nicodemus (John 3) demonstrates this approach. He engaged with thoughtful questions, vivid illustrations, and personal challenge.
Application: Use resolving when both the relationship and the outcome carry high importance. It takes effort and produces lasting change.
4. Compromising – Finding a Middle Path
Compromising aims for a solution that is acceptable to both sides, even if it is not perfect for either.
Example: When a royal official asked Jesus to come heal his son (John 4), Jesus instead told the man his son was already healed and sent him home. The man's need was met, though not in the way he expected.
Application: Compromise works when speed matters, stakes are moderate, and progress is the priority.
5. Avoiding – Choosing the Moment to Engage
Avoidance means stepping back from conflict to protect people, preserve focus, or wait for the right time.
Example: After healing the man at the pool of Bethesda on the Sabbath (John 5), Jesus withdrew into the crowd instead of immediately confronting the Pharisees.
Application: Avoidance can be wise when timing is poor, emotions are high, or other priorities take precedence.
Practical Lessons for Leaders
Match the approach to the context. No style is right for every situation. Pay attention to the people, the issue, and the purpose.
Build skill in all five styles. Leaders are most effective when they can shift between approaches as needed.
Grow emotional intelligence. High EQ keeps natural strengths from becoming liabilities. It helps leaders choose a healthy expression of any style.
Pursue self-awareness. Know the default style and how personal wiring influences it. Be honest about emotional triggers that distort responses.
Aim for lasting change. Techniques help. Transformation happens when leaders address the heart as well as behavior.
Jesus modeled all five conflict styles with purpose and clarity. Leaders who develop the same range will handle tension with more wisdom, skill, and Kingdom impact.
Do you know how you most naturally handle conflict? Take our Conflict Profile Assessment to find where you need to grow.