Paul’s Hidden Gift: How the Apostle Grew in Emotional Intelligence

Most Christians read the Bible in two dimensions.

We see the stories, the teaching, the miracles, but we flatten the people into spiritual superheroes. We forget they had emotions, family baggage, insecurities, and struggles, just like us.

Nowhere is this more true than with Paul. Many imagine him as a fearless zealot who bulldozed obstacles to get the gospel out. But Paul wasn’t a machine. He was as human like you and me. And if you look carefully at his letters, you’ll see something remarkable: Paul grew in emotional intelligence over time.

From Zealot to Self-Aware Leader

If you read Paul’s letters in the order they were written (not the order in your Bible), you notice an arc. Early on, he comes across blunt, confrontational, even sharp. Think of his “sharp disagreement” with Barnabas (Acts 15) or his public rebuke of Peter in Galatians 2. Paul was right in substance, but his style lacked the maturity of someone who understood emotions, his own or others’.

Fast forward years later, and you find Paul writing from prison with a very different tone. In Philippians 2:19–3:1, for example, he models compassion, transparency, humility, and self-awareness. Look at how he weaves EQ into his words:

“I also may be cheered when I receive news about you” He names his feeling.

“I will send Timothy as I see how things go with me” He acknowledges his condition.

“I think it is necessary.” He weighs his judgment

“You took care of my needs.” He humbly admits vulnerability.

“I long for all of you and am distressed.” He names another’s emotions.

“I almost died.” He speaks transparently.

“to spare me sorrow upon sorrow.” He recognizes his grief.

“I am all the more eager to send him” He knows his emotions and considers others’ joy.

“With great joy.” He highlights his own joy.

“In ways you could not give me.” He states reality without bitterness.

In just ten verses, Paul names emotions, honors others’ feelings, shows vulnerability, and demonstrates humility. That’s not theory, that’s modeling emotionally healthy leadership.

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Why This Matters for Leaders

Paul’s transformation teaches us something vital: people follow EQ more than IQ. Paul had brilliance, training, and intellect. But it was his ability to connect emotionally that deepened his leadership impact.

Leaders with high IQ can often win arguments through sheer intelligence. But winning arguments doesn’t mean winning hearts. Paul learned to harness his intellect to grow his EQ, and in doing so, he multiplied his influence.

My Own Journey in EQ

I’ll be honest, this has been one of my greatest struggles. Growing up, I learned to use sarcasm to stay ahead in conversations. I wanted to be right more than I wanted to be relational. Emotional intelligence wasn’t on the radar.

Thankfully, in my twenties, Mary Kay’s pastor, Don Loomer, stepped in and challenged me to begin journaling, not just thoughts, but emotions. That one discipline changed the trajectory of my life. It taught me to slow down, name what I was feeling, and reflect on why. Over time, that practice helped me regulate my emotions and connect more deeply with others.

How You Can Grow in EQ

So let me ask you: how are you developing your EQ?

• Do you know what you’re feeling in the moment?

• Can you trace those feelings back to their source?

• Are you learning to regulate your emotions so they serve others rather than sabotage relationships?

One resource I’ve found helpful is Ethan Kross’ book entitled Shift, which gives us 6 different “shifts” we can use to develop your EQ. I found his book tremendously helpful in my continual pursuit of growing my EQ.

But tools alone aren’t enough. Growth requires practice: journaling, inviting feedback, confessing blind spots, and leaning into the Spirit’s work of transformation.

When you read Paul, don’t just study his theology. Watch his humanity. Notice how he grew in EQ over time. Let that encourage you: transformation is possible.

The gospel doesn’t just redeem our souls; it reshapes how we lead, how we love, and how we handle emotions. Paul modeled it. We can grow in it. If you want to see your EQ, you can take the TrueWiring™ Assessment to see how you are on things like self-awareness, emotional regulation, and other's awareness. Find out more here.