When God Picks Your Friends

I had a long talk with a dear friend recently. Let's call him John.

John had just been told by his boss he was being demoted. He had no idea this was even a possibility. No indication he was underperforming. No conversation that hinted it was coming.

He was hurt. He needed to process.

What I chose to focus on

I tried not to attack the decision or the lack of process behind it. I wanted to focus on John's response to it. Regardless of how it unfolded or how inappropriately it was handled, the decision was within his boss's authority to make. What concerned me was how John was going to grow through the whole thing.

And honestly? He displayed remarkable EQ from the first conversation forward.

We talked through his options. I listened more than I spoke. I answered his questions and offered perspective where I could. He could leave, but he has so much to offer the company, and ultimately the Kingdom of God. This is an opportunity for John to grow, to acknowledge how far he's come, and potentially shape the future culture of his company by the way he responds.

But there's a cost. John has to swallow his ego and keep leading deeply from where he stands.

His value was never the issue

His boss's actions aren't a reflection of John's value, his competency, or his calling. They're a reflection of his boss's expectations and his boss's decisions.

I told him what I believe to be true: from my perspective, he is the consummate leader. He needed to hear that. And it was true. John is a great person and a great leader.

Sure, there are things for John to learn through this, about reading expectations and about navigating organizations. But whether his boss's decisions were grounded in reality matters far less than how John responds to the scenario in front of him.

I believe God put me in John's life for such a time as this.

You've heard the saying: "You don't get to pick your family, but you get to pick your friends."

I don't actually agree with that. A number of my closest friends are people I didn't pick. God sovereignly brought us together. The relationship exists for God's sake.

The root system underneath

I'm not sure I would have picked many of my closest friends if I were just looking for people like me. I've always believed God brings people together for Kingdom purposes. Our closest friends aren't close because we picked each other, they're close because God picked us to speak into each other's lives during specific seasons.

Yes, I enjoy our time together. We laugh. We have fun. There's real friendship.

But the root system underneath is Kingdom mission, Kingdom values, Kingdom vision. Many of my friends eat differently, exercise differently, sleep differently, and spend their leisure time differently than we do. None of that matters. We're close in God's purposes.

I think too often we select friends because of shared activities rather than shared eternal values. My prayer has long been that God would confirm the friends He brings into our lives, and that's been the pattern. We haven't gone hunting for friends. We've let God bring them, usually through proximity and purpose.

Proximity and purpose

When I look back over the last fifty years, there have been fifty or so significant relationships. They all started almost serendipitously. Some would be called discipleship or mentoring, but most became more horizontal than vertical. They were mutual, we all won through them.

I suppose we sort of chose them.

But when I reflect on proximity and purpose, it really seems like God chose them for us, and we simply confirmed each of them over the years.

I think this is one of the differences we've experienced compared to those of little faith. We intentionally stepped into many of those relationships because God presented them. We didn't take casual, circumstantial, or serendipitous meetings as just that. We asked: what does God want to do through this chance encounter or this potential relationship?

So, who are your friends?

And more importantly. who did God put in your path that you haven't yet confirmed?